We've all been there at some point. Running on treadmill while at the same time, thoughts running through our minds; such as what post workout meal you will have, all the stressful things going on, or maybe just life in general. I decided to write about this because most of the time while I am on the treadmill I have so many things going through my mind unconsciously, but this time, I decided to pay attention to what the voice in my head was saying. I'm going to go ahead and admit that I am NOT a long distance runner. My little legs don't allow me to go as far as I'd like to, which is part of the reason I have the thoughts that I do instead of the average, general thoughts people have. So sit back, read, and appreciate the fact that you are probably not on a treadmill right now!
1. "I'm going to run five miles"
As I step up onto the treadmill, this is always the first thought that pops into my head. After fueling up with a good breakfast, and feeling energized by a little social facilitation, I feel that I truly can run five miles and am as happy as this lady here! Mile one: I'm feeling great, like I could go another four miles easily. My cardio playlist is motivating me and I am barely breaking a sweat. But then once I get to mile three, I soon realize that my eyes were bigger than my stomach...or maybe my eyes were bigger than my legs in this case. The burning feeling in my lungs is telling me that I should stop and walk, but I am still determined to hit the full five. Around 3.5 miles, I then surrender, saying that I "pretty much" made it and I'll just run five tomorrow. This is how it goes every time, and the whole do it tomorrow syndrome is very real! In addition, Proverbs 28:1 says "the wicked run when no one is chasing them," and I definitely want to avoid being wicked, so I'd say it is justified that I stop early.
2. "It's only been HOW long?"
Many will agree that a microwave minute, plank minute, baseball inning minute, AP history minute, and treadmill minute go by slower than your standard 60 seconds. In my opinion, I fully agree with that statement, but I gotta say, a microwave minute definitely is slower, especially if I am waiting on my food. Whenever I am on the treadmill, I try to avoid looking at the time elapsed because I always look at it every 10 seconds thinking that five minutes has gone by. It really can feel like five minutes when you're purposefully torturing yourself. Because of this, I like to measure my time in songs. One song is roughly three minutes, and focusing on the song more than the time really helps those minutes go by faster! Sometimes looking at the distance makes me feel even worse than looking at the time because as much as I'd like to think I've worked harder and have gone farther, I always think wrong.
3. "Does my stride look weird?"
If you ever walk into Lifetime and see me on the treadmill, it is always the one in front of the mirror, and by the railing because I like to people watch as they walk in the club. Being a gymnast, I have always paid close attention to my form, running included. This thought goes through my mind because as I get tired, my running form reveals that I am low on steam, and I like to keep the fact that I feel like I am dying on the DL. As they say, "fake it till you make it." So, every once in a while I will look over in the mirror to make sure I don't have soggy lettuce hands, am slumping, running like I have never had any cardio in my life, or am running like Haley Graham did during the Buttahara scene in "Stick It" (click on the link above) . I also admit, I have tested out different strides to see which one looks the best, almost like a dressing room to try different ones out! I'll just say, the "pep in my step" stride makes me look like a gazelle, the "short stride" looks like I really have to go to the bathroom, and the "long stride" almost made me fall off the treadmill. This has also led me to wondering what the heck I should do with my hands when I run. Do I full on fist it? Palms open? Hang loose? Rock on? So many options, yet so unnatural. Lesson learned here? If it ain't broke, don't fix it, just get on and run!
4. "Can the person next to me hear me breathe?"
There is an unwritten rule that says it is illegal to use the bathroom stall directly next to the person in there already. This goes for treadmills too. I don't exactly know why, but when I am only left with the option of the treadmill sandwiched in between two people, I get more self conscious than usual. It is even worse when they aren't listening to music like I am. As I mentioned, mile three is when I start to get tired, so I always question if my mouth breathing is noticeable to the person next to me. Again as I mentioned, I don't like to reveal that I feel like I am dying, but that heavy breathing gives it away! You may be thinking that I should just take my ear buds out and listen for myself for how loud I am breathing. Truth is, I just can't face the truth, so I turn my music way up, leaving it a mystery that I plan to never find out. No one has ever moved treadmills, so I just assume that I am probably concealing my struggles pretty well.
5. "Am I the only one that is this sweaty?"
Mile three is just not good for me as you can tell by now. I start to get self conscious about preserving my athleticism. I am one of those people that turns into a soaking wet tomato when I exercise, which makes me wish I could have a sign on my back saying "I know I am really sweaty right now, but I promise I am not a naf." As I wipe the streams of sweat rushing down my face, dripping off my eyelashes, and proving that my waterproof mascara is not waterproof, I look around to see if everyone else is the same as me. Of course the person next to me is perfectly dry, and the color a human should be. I can thank my dad for my lovely "glow" genes (maybe I should have included this in my Father's Day post), but seriously, I have heard that sweating is a sign you are healthy, so take that all you gym goers who stare at me an extra two seconds because I am the color of produce.
6. "This is a race"
In addition to the last thought, in the case that I am breathing loudly, I always make sure that I am going a little bit faster than the person next to me. My reasoning is that if they wonder why I am breathing so loud, they will look over and see I am working harder than they are, which gives them no reason to judge me. But really, if I am ever on a treadmill next to someone, it will always be a race. I even saw it as a race when we had to run the mile in elementary school despite the fact that they would repeat "this is not a race, go at your own pace" over and over again. I am a competitive person, so yes, I will try to run farther than the grandma next to me by the time she is done with her walk. And yes, I will try to run as far as the guy with "marathon finisher" on his shirt even though the farthest I've done is a 5k. There actually have been several times where I have been in a race with someone. The sly glance at their treadmill and realizing they are going .1 mph faster, then bumping mine up to .1 above theirs soon turned into a race as we tried to always go .1 faster than each other. Eventually it became a full on sprint, and by this point we knew we were racing, yet never acknowledged each other. No matter how hard I try to tell myself I am just going to go for a casual jog, I can't.
7. "I'm not going to skip a song"
Sometimes I get bored while I am on the treadmill, so I make up little games for myself. One of my favorites I have created is "The Shuffle Challenge." I go to my full library of songs, and press shuffle, not allowing myself to skip a song no matter how badly I want to. I am also one that likes to try to run to the beat of the songs that I listen to which is why I normally run to my cardio playlist full of upbeat music. The reason the shuffle challenge is so hard is because I have kept all the songs that my whole family has downloaded over the years including the songs from my Justin Bieber phase, Christmas music, the Enchanted soundtrack with only instrumentals, the National Anthem from when my dad ran the sound booth at my brother's baseball games, and of course we can't forget the oldies that my parents downloaded. Sometimes the challenge gets so hard that it distracts me from how tired the run is making me. To sum it up, it is very very hard to run to Silent Night by Lady Antebellum.
8. "How fast can I go?"
On the days that I feel like I've got extra energy in my little legs, my curiosity leads me to wondering how fast I can run. Normally, I would have tested the waters already and would have found out how fast I can go, but the thing that stops me is an incident that happened while I was at Gustavus this past year. I was running next to a guy, and I think he was trying to see how fast he could go, which ended with him tripping and being shot back into the ellipticals behind him. Of course I checked to see if he was ok, but after he assured me he was fine, I had to leave and go into the locker room so he couldn't see me laughing hysterically because I thought those kind of things only happened in movies! I don't know what hurt worse, the place he slammed into the elliptical, or his pride.
9. "Do it for the popcorn"
For those who know me, know that I am absolutely obsessed with Boom Chicka Pop brand kettle corn. Thank goodness it is gluten, dairy, soy, and egg free because I really would be devastated without it in my life! One of the biggest motivators I use when I run is this treat because I tell myself that if I go just one more mile, I can have a little extra that night. Positive reinforcement at its finest! In all honesty, even if I didn't run the extra mile I would probably eat it anyways, but just the thought of it gives me the little bit of motivation to go longer. So many health gurus say the number one no-no is to reward yourself with food, but let's be real here, we all know that's the reason we work out!
10. "Am I more in shape yet?"
Once I am done with my three mile marathon, as horrible as I look and as bad as my lungs burn, I never regret those thirty minutes. It sounds funny and ridiculous, but for some reason I believe that after those three miles, I instantly look more lean and fit. Of course I know that results can't be seen in a day, not even a week, but I like to tell myself that they can. I justify this by saying that it is a positive form of deception because it makes me feel great all around, and keeps me motivated to keep working out! It may just be the runner's high, but stepping off that treadmill, tomato-faced and a replica of Niagra Falls, I feel like I am taller, stronger, and more confident!
At this point, you may be totally agreeing with some of these thoughts, or laughing as hard at me as I was at the guy who flew off the treadmill. This just goes to show that even those who have been athletes their whole lives still can struggle and have totally non-athletic thoughts! The gym is a judgement free zone, but my mind sure isn't when it comes to how I am doing. Tuning into my thoughts was more entertaining and comical than I thought, but it also made me realize that I don't need to work until I think my heart is going to burst, or judge myself harder than Judge Judy on my soggy lettuce hands. I challenge you all this week to pay more attention to your thoughts whether that be at the gym, getting ready in the morning, or trying something new...but more importantly, try the shuffle challenge!
Have a fabulous Friday, friends!
~Lauren